Find The Fear and Delete it Anyway

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Find The Fear and Delete it Anyway

By Simon Tyler

In both my own world and in the dialogues with clients over the last few weeks I have learned again about the unwelcome and sometimes unnoticed impact of carrying fear.

Not real fear, such as a right now threat to a situation or to a person, but the overwhelming, poorly defined, non-specific fear that triggers fearful thoughts, doubts, concerns and triggers unempowered, overly cautious, fearful (!) actions and behaviors. And often the fear can be so powerful and sticky that we carry it around with us for hours, days and weeks.

Fear that grips and possibly paralyses you, preventing you from making clear and confident decisions has rarely, if at all, anything to do with this moment. It simply is not here. If it was, you would use your brilliant resourceful nature to do something about it.

The disabling fear that I have noticed in the most senior leaders I have worked with and with clients of all levels across organizations, can be worked through, and sometimes very quickly. Once eliminated you will experience waves of euphoria, bursts of confidence and doubtless decisions. With just a few habit shifts you will learn to notice looming fear early and take action before it takes hold.

The fear to which I am referring is ‘over there’. It is not now; it is fueled by possibility, ambiguity, doubt and negative ‘what-ifs’. It takes energy from the past, confirming, comparing and proving its case. And this mix of past and future energy can dupe you into believing it is more real than it actually is. It is NOT real, it is not here.

Simple Fear Finding Process:

  1. Become Aware of it
  2. Face It
  3. Act In Spite of It

Here are a few laser questions to calm the fear storm early:

  • What Do I Fear? – List them with all the clarity you can. There may be a few dormant fears, legacy fears, inherited fears, situational/trend fears (everyone has them).
  • What is true? – What is actually true about this story, not opinions, not likelihoods, just the unequivocal truths as they apply right now? How do these truths apply or guide me today?
  • Where Am I Now? – In relation to the fear (that is over there) where am I now? What can I change now or stop doing or start doing that diminishes the fear? What is true now that negates the fear? Find the evidence as much as possible that disputes the fear.
  • What Do I Want Instead? – What is your preferred route through or past that fear? What is in place now to facilitate that, what needs to be in place?

Just accepting and knowing that your fear is ‘not here’ can be liberating on its own. Add that to returning your focus to NOW and you will notice your power returning.  

Coaching Call to Action

Fear can prevent you from taking action, and saps the enjoyment and fulfillment from almost anything you do. Challenge yourself to use Simon’s 3 step process. What did you learn? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

 

Simon Tyler is one of the world’s leading business coaches. His work simplifies the lives of business leaders and owners. He is an incisive consultant, inspirational writer, provocative public speaker and master facilitator. To learn more about Simon, visit http://simontyler.com.

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