Coach Andrea

Coach Andrea’s Intro

This week’s Tip by Art Sobczak is a great reminder to only ask one question at a time. Sometimes, in coaching, I get so excited about what the client is telling me that I can start to rattle off a slew of questions.  And then I remember, people can only answer one question at a time.  Be thoughtful about the question you ask and then listen for the answer.

Here in the U.S. next week is Thanksgiving. A very Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Thank you for sharing your ideas, thoughts, feedback, challenges and successes with me. I am honored to be included in your life.

There will be no Coaching Tip of the Week on November 25, 2011 due to the Thanksgiving holiday. Enjoy this time of thanks and gratitude. Our next Tip will be issued on December 2, 2011.

Quote of the Week

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

~ Ernest Hemingway

How Many Questions Should You Ask at a Time?

By Art Sobczak

At a social function I was talking to a guy who asked five questions in a row, didn’t listen to any of the answers, and only used his questions as a springboard to talk about himself.

Since I didn’t take much interest in what he was pitching (he shoved his business card into my hand) I watched and listened as he did that with several other people he met.

Sure, we all know we should ask questions. But the effort is wasted if they’re not asked in the right way, or you don’t listen to the answers.

++++++++++++KEY SALES POINT+++++++++++

When a listener hears a question, their mind immediately is conditioned to begin searching for answers. However, when several questions are posed in rapid-fire sequence, you leave the person confused as to which one they should answer first. And, some questions are not answered at all if you don’t give them an opportunity.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For example, read this scenario without stopping to think about each question, as if you were the person hearing the questions:

Caller: “And what do you feel your company needs most regarding boosting morale and enthusiasm? Do you think it would be compensation related… or maybe training? And how does that affect performance in all of the departments?”

Did you feel like a spinning top, rotating around trying to focus on the questions coming from all directions? Same thing happens with prospects and customers.

EFFECTIVE QUESTIONING GUIDELINES

1. Ask one question at a time. If it’s not important enough to stand on its own, don’t ask it.
2. After you ask it, shut up. If they don’t answer immediately, resist the urge to answer it for them or follow up with another one. They’re likely thinking about what they’re going to say.
3. After they apparently have finished, remain quiet for 1-2 more seconds. You might get additional information, and ensures you don’t interrupt.
4. Follow-up their answer with a related question. Don’t ping-pong around from subject to subject. For example, if they answered with, “I believe the main problem we have right now is a lack of motivation,” a logical next query would be, “Oh, what are some specific situations where you’ve seen a lack of motivation?”
5. Be confident in your questioning. One reason people ask multiple questions is that they aren’t comfortable asking questions. The only way you’re going to truly help someone is by finding out about them. You’re not intruding. You’re assisting.

Fielding multiple questions is confusing for the listener, and counter-productive for you. Ask one at a time, and listen!

Continue having your best week ever!

Art Sobczak, Business By Phone Inc., provides how-to ideas and tips for rejectionless prospecting, selling, and servicing by phone. Get the free ebook, “29 Sales Tips You Can Use Right Now” at http://www.BusinessByPhone.com.

Coaching Call To Action

This week practice asking one question at a time and really listening to the answer. You might be surprised by what you hear.  This tool can be used at home, too!

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Coach Andrea’s Intro

Last week while I was on vacation in NH. I had time for long conversations as life for me moved a bit slower, people listened a bit longer and it was a joy. Coming back to work on Monday, I noticed that I wasn’t so appreciative of the wonderful twists and turns and openings that occur in longer conversations. I wanted people to get to the point! This week’s Tip by Loren Ekroth has me wonder, during these days of 24/7, might a powerful communication strategy for you be to talk less?

Quote of the Week

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.”
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Are You Too Wordy?

By Loren Ekroth

One of the biggest dislikes about conversationalists is that they ramble, don’t get to the point, and dominate by going on and on. They can’t seem to say anything without using lots of words.

The ability to be brief will serve you well. How?

1. You’ll be admired for your care with language.
2. You’ll be able to talk effectively when you have minimal time, especially if you are on radio or TV, but also in meetings.
3. Listeners will better remember what you say.
4. You won’t steal the “air time” of other conversers.

Here’s what some very smart people had to say about being brief:

“Fifty years ago, John F. Kennedy gave one of the shortest inaugural addresses in U.S. history, yet it is one of the longest remembered. The Gettysburg Address required only a few minutes. During the height of World War II, Churchill said to the Luftwaffe, “Do your worst, we will do our best!” Memorable ideas and powerful directions are succinct, pithy, and relevant. How do you want people to think of and remember you?”
– Alan Weiss, professional speaker, consultant

“To use many words to communicate few thoughts is everywhere the unmistakable sign of mediocrity. To gather much thought into few words stamps the man of genius.”
– Arthur Schopenhauer, philosopher

“Be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams. The more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.”
– Robert Southey, English poet, 1774-1873

To express yourself succinctly, wrote Mark Twain, is to speak with “a minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.” He also wrote, “I’d have written you a shorter letter, but I didn’t have time.”

Here are some ways you can develop your ability to be brief.

1. Read a short magazine article or newspaper column of 500-1000 words and try to express the gist of it in less than 50 words.
2. Look for exemplars of this ability in your place of worship, workplace, or club. See what they do, then do likewise.
3. Read short poetry, especially haiku. “Feel” what can be done with few words.
4. Join a Toastmasters club. (Find one in your area at www.Toastmasters.org)
5. Practice in everyday life. Slow down a bit, breathe more often, say fewer words.

Take to heart the profound words of the Bard:

“Brevity is the soul of wit.” — Shakespeare, Hamlet.

From “Better Conversations” newsletter by Loren Ekroth. Reprinted with permission. Copyright 2011. All Rights reserved. Dr. Ekroth is creator of information products to improve conversation, such as “Small Talk Success Tips” and a free newsletter at www.ConversationMatters.com.

Coaching Call To Action

As you attend meetings this week, notice the impact people have through their communication style. What works better in your business setting – more words or fewer words? Do your observations support Loren’s hypothesis or not?

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Coach Andrea’s Intro

This is a great Tip for sales people by the authors,  Bob Burg and John Mann. How many times have you been “turned off” by sales people who wouldn’t keep their mouths shut? Bob and John offer an alternative to talking… listening.

Quote of the Week

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

~ Ernest Hemingway

Sell More With Silence

By Bob Burg and John David Mann

The legendary architect and futurist Buckminster (“Bucky”) Fuller hit a deep crisis in his twenties. Having gone broke and lost his infant daughter to meningitis, he felt his life was a shambles.

Standing on the edge of Lake Michigan on a bitter winter evening, about to throw himself in, he paused to think.

His life was a mess, he reasoned, because he had spent his years up to that point repeating things other people had told him.

In that moment, Bucky decided to close his mouth and not open it again until he was sure that the words he spoke really came from him.

For the next two years, he did not utter a single word. When he finally did begin to speak again, what came out was not always easy for people to understand, but the passion and conviction were unmistakably and unequivocally his and nobody else’s. It was only decades later that people came to recognize that his words also contained great genius.

What happened to Bucky is available to each and every one of us, and it was simply this:

In his silence, he discovered his authentic self. It was a critical turning point: it was in those minutes of being entirely silent and fully listening to his wife Susan that he began to understand the laws of the Go-Giver.

You tap into your greatest value and authenticity when you are not speaking. It’s not that what you say isn’t important. That’s just not where your power lies.

The most common way inexperienced salespeople shoot themselves in the foot is by saying too much when they talk about their product or service. Why do they say too much? Because they don’t yet really trust themselves. True conviction is best conveyed not through more words but through fewer; it dwells behind the words.

The Bill of Rights is stated in 660 words.

Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address consists of 267 words.

The Ten Commandments takes 163.

It doesn’t take a lot of words to make a powerful point. Say less; communicate more.

In conversation, often the most powerful moments are not when you are speaking but when you pause and make room for the other person.

Sometimes we rush to fill in those empty moments, perhaps out of fear that the silence will feel awkward. But it’s better to let the silences be there: silences in a conversation have a wonderful way of coaxing deeper thoughts to the surface. The most important words that will ever pass between you and your prospective customers are the words spoken by them — not by you.

What you have most to offer others, you have to offer least of all through your words; in greater part through what you do; but in greatest part through who you are.

From: Burg, Bob and Mann, John David, (2010). Go-Givers Sell More. Portfolio Hardcover.

Reprinted with permission from Art Sobczak, Business By Phone Inc. Providing how-to ideas and tips for rejectionless prospecting, selling, and servicing by phone. Get the free ebook, “29 Sales Tips You Can Use Right Now” at http://www.BusinessByPhone.com

Coaching Call To Action

If you are on sales calls this week, consider Bob and John’s advice and talk less, listen more. What do you learn?

What’s New?

Happy 4th of July!
July 4, 2011

Next week we celebrate the 4th of July in the United States. The Coaching Tip of the Week will be on vacation. Enjoy your holiday with family and friends honoring all that we have. We’ll be back on July 15th with more new information.

Insights

Want to smile for a few minutes? Watch the video at the link below. Turn up the volume on your computer.

http://www.flixxy.com/jive-aces-bring-me-sunshine.htm

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Coach Andrea’s Intro

How can you build trust in a relationship?  Listen. This week, Loren Ekroth shares two ideas on how to be a better listener.  The first is about self-awareness and the second requires changing a behavior.  They are both great reminders!

I want to thank all of you for your emails, cards and calls in response to last week’s Tip about my father’s passing.  Your words of acknowledgement of my dad and sympathy to me provided great comfort.  Thank you.

Quote of the Week

” Really listening and suspending one’s own judgment is necessary in order to understand other people on their own terms… This is a process that requires trust and builds trust.”

~  Mary Field Belenky

Listen and Learn

By Loren Ekroth, Ph.D.

“Listening:  The Forgotten Skill” is not only a book title (1995).  It’s the truth.

If you want to leverage your interpersonal skills, set aside one normal weekday and do these 2 things:

1. Observe your habitual tendencies to listen (or not listen because you’re talking or your attention is elsewhere,)  and
2. Give the gift of attentive listening to others on this day.  Let it be OK not to share your opinion or point of view; not to argue; not to interrupt; not to say “Me, too.”

Dozens of experts agree that listening is one of the most underrated and least practiced conversation skills. (Including me.)

A few days ago we observed the birthday of that great American, Henry David Thoreau.  Here’s what he wrote about being listened to:

“The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.”

~  Henry David Thoreau, 1817 – 1862

We’ve also been honoring the 50th anniversary of the classic novel by Harper Lee, “To Kill a Mockingbird.”  Here’s what a character in that powerful book had to say about listening:

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.”

~  (Lawyer Atticus Finch speaking)

Finally, since the conversation doesn’t have to be all about me or you, we can make our priority #1 an attempt to understand the other person.  As Stephen Covey wrote in his modern classic, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,”

“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

So, on the day you choose to increase your awareness of and skill in listening,

Make no judgments
Don’t interrupt others
Don’t finish another’s sentences

Then people will feel much safer and more comfortable.

From “Better Conversations” newsletter by Loren Ekroth. Reprinted with permission. Copyright 2011. All Rights reserved. Dr.  Ekroth is creator of information products to improve conversation, such as “Small Talk Success Tips” and a free newsletter at www.ConversationMatters.com.

Coaching Call To Action

For all of you multi-taskers (me included), I challenge you to put everything aside and truly listen when you are in conversation with people this week.  What do you notice?

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Coach Andrea’s Intro

This week, Resource Development Company provides Jack Zenger’s top 10 Rules for becoming a great leader.  I liked this summary because it seems so achievable! Most of the rules are about people skills, interacting with others and treating people well.  Great reminder to put your people first.

Quote of the Week

“A great leader never sets himself above his followers except in carrying responsibilities.”

~Jules Ormont

Become a Great Leader

Jack Zenger is an expert in leadership development who has authored several books on the topic. From his writings, here are his top 10 rules for becoming a great leader:

1. Ask instead of answer. Don’t immediately give people the answer when they come to you with a question. Instead, ask them what they think. It’s the leader’s job to develop people. To just give them the answer is to have missed a real opportunity to show that you respect them and their ideas.
2. Give positive feedback. It’s important to have positive interactions between you and your employees. If you don’t agree with an idea, ask the idea generator to think about it and talk about how it would play out. This will force your team to think through their suggestions and see where their failings are. Remember, as a leader, you may not always be right.
3. Engage. When you come into your office in the morning, don’t turn on your computer until you have walked around and connected with people first. Leadership is all about motivating people, and motivating people is all about having a connection with them.
4. Put employees first. In every organization, there are four different constituencies: shareholders, senior managers, customers and employees. There are examples of organizations who have consciously put employees first, customers second, shareholders third and managers last. If you treat the employee with great dignity and respect, they in turn will treat customers the same way.
5. Seek feedback. Periodically, a manager should wander around and meet with employees and ask, “Tell me something you think I don’t want to know and don’t want to hear.” It may take people a while to figure out that you are serious, but then, they will tell you. One thing managers and leaders have in short supply is truth. Things get filtered as they go up in the organization. You have to work to get accurate data. People will tell you if you ask.
6. Be an example. As a leader you are the role model and people are watching you 24/7; you are never off-stage. If you want the organization to be responsive to customers, you have to be responsive to customers. If you want your people to maintain good working hours, you need to maintain good working hours.
7. Practice self-development. If you want your organization to perform at a high level and improve over time, you have to improve over time. You need to have a personal plan of development for yourself. Doing this will provide a great example to everyone in the organization and says no matter who you are, we all can get better.
8. Delegate with purpose. Make sure your people know that you are not only concerned about them getting their work done, but you are also concerned about them as a human being — about them growing in their career. One way to do that is to delegate an assignment and tell them the reason you’ve asked them to do the task is because it will help them and their professional development.
9. Set stretch goals. Nothing unites a group more than pursuing a lofty target. Try setting a stretch goal for your team, but make sure it’s reasonable. If the goal is unreasonable, it can be de-motivating.
10. Listen. The ability to listen well is at the heart of being a good leader. Try removing distractions when you are speaking with someone, start making notes when they talk and pay attention to body language to get a real sense of their feelings. Try not to just listen to the words said, but really think about the message someone is trying to convey.

Resource Development Company, Inc. (RDC) is a human resources management consulting firm specializing in retained search, pre-employment screening, and career assistance services. For information on how RDC can help you achieve your goals, please visit our website at www.rdcinc.com, email rdc@rdcinc.com, or call Christopher Bilotta, President, toll free at 888-628-2293.

Coaching Call To Action

Many of my clients are going through performance reviews at this time of year.  Which of these rules will you incorporate into your performance reviews this week to be a great leader?

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Coach Andrea’s Intro

First of all, I want to say thank you to all of you who responded to last week’s Tip “Using Failure to Further Your Future”. It seems to have hit home for you.  For those of you who would like to read some of the feedback, see the section below.

When I was taking my initial coaching training courses back in 1997, one of the competencies we worked on was Active Listening: the ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client’s desires, and to support client self-expression.  People have always told me I’m a good listener.  It goes hand in hand with my introverted nature.  And yet, we can always improve our strengths.  Hence, this week’s Tip with ideas for improving your listening skills.

Quote of the Week

“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”
~Krishnamurti

Five Cool Ideas for Better Listening

by Michael Angelo Caruso

Listening is a fantastic skill to develop because it can pay such big dividends. Listening skills can reduce stress, improve relationships, help you remember names, save time and of course, sell more. Here are 5 Cool Ideas for better listening.

1. Good listeners practice listening.
Use your new skills to impress friends, business associates and yourself. I once earned a speaking engagement from The Nation, the preeminent newspaper of Barbados by remembering the name of Executive Editor Roxanne Gibbs 20 minutes after meeting her and 30 other people.

2. Use simple life moments to listen better.
Stop singing in the shower once in a while and listen. Listen to how the water sounds as it falls around you. Try to identify seven or eight different types of sounds. This simple exercise will teach you to hear nuances in group dynamics and in telephone conversations.

3. Listen to the bass line instead of the lyric.
When in the car, listen to songs you don’t normally listen to. Listen to the musical arrangement instead of the lyrics. Try to identify the different instruments in the arrangement. Try listening to just one of the instruments, like the bass guitar.

4. Turn down the noise and tune in to life.
When you really start to pay attention to sound, you’ll become aware of all the noise in our world. Block out some of the noise by wearing ear protection when flying, using vacuum cleaners and operating snow blowers. Listen to the important things and tune out extraneous offerings, like chatter. I remember being on a hike in the African bush. There was no traffic. There were no airplanes overhead and there was no electricity buzzing from nearby wires. All we could hear were birds chirping, the rustle of small rodents and a fellow hiker who would not shut his mouth.

5. Reflective listening promotes connectivity.
Reflective listening is a way to show regard for the speaker. By giving “verbal nods” such as saying “I see,” “Interesting,” “Hmmm,” you relay encouragement to the speaker and promote connectivity. It’s like eye contact and nodding your head in person. Taking notes when people talk to you is also a good listening habit. Don’t hesitate to ask people to repeat themselves. Ask immediately so you don’t feel embarrassed by asking later on.

Michael Angelo Caruso is the author of the 5 Cool Ideas books and the FastLearnerAudio series.  To receive his complimentary 5 Cool Ideas newsletter, simply send an e-mail to 5CoolIdeas@EdisonHouse.com.

Coaching Call to Action

Michael’s first idea is the one that I am going to focus on this week.  I’m not great with names.  I know there are tips for improving this ability. I might look them up, or I might just practice being present when I am introduced to someone new.  And how about you?  What will you do this week to improve your listening?

Feedback from Last Week’s Tip

“Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fall.”
~Oliver Goldsmith
-from Lindsy Parker
www.LindsyParkerMedia.com
lparker@lindsyparkermedia.com

If you have not heard of the book “Go for No“, it is in direct alignment with this email and a quick read.  The points are made through a powerful story which in this case, is a very effective communication. It is geared towards salespeople but can be applied to any facet of life.  I read a great deal and this one is an A+ in my opinion and an exceptional coaching tool for the right people.
-from Tina Pegram
tpegram2@aol.com

Great tip this week! I have a strong feeling about failure as well. In my book of cartoons and essays, I have one dedicated to failure. (www.content.perspicuity.com/?q=node/197)
One of my favorite quotes is from Samuel Beckett: “To be an artist is to fail, as no other dare fail.” -from Craig Swanson
www.perspicuity.com
craig@perspicuity.com

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